I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize