Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
