Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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