so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's shark week go big or go home
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
