Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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