Is it normal to miss your booty call?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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