your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
