At least make sure they are 18
Why
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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