in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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