I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
