Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
