A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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