just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize