sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
