If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
