I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
