he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I supernannyed him into submission
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
