Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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