i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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