The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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