opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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