Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
