It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
