Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
