so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
