I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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