i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
