I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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