sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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