I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
