So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
