ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
