What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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