did you get engaged???
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
