she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
