I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
