The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
