just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize