dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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