So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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