DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
