My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
