i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
