What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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