I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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