gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
