so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
