can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
