and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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