Old men and throwing up are my life now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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