are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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