So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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