I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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