I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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