He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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