there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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