the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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