I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
