I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
