Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize