I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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