I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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