If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I die, sorry about rent.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
