i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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