you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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