I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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