It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
