guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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