I'm lost and stupid without you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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