I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
