i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
