i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
