I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
