this just has baby written all over it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
