Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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