I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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