You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
home. puking in laundry basket.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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