The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're like the curious george of whores
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
