I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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