I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
