The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
