Already got asked if we're dating
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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