Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ttyl tear gas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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