is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
