Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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