My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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